Psychologist Arzu Yeşilleten talks about the jealousy of siblings and the duties of the parents.
How do you define jealousy?Jealousy means competing between brothers, competing with each other for a reward. The reward here is the parents' interest and love. Sister jealousy is important for parents to cope with feelings of ambition and jealousy, even if they are unbearable for parents. Just like love, fatigue, success, trust and anger, jealousy is a very normal feeling. What parents need to do is not to teach the child not to be jealous, but to make them realize that they feel jealousy and to teach them how to express this feeling. The first step is that parents can recognize this feeling and react correctly. Because children learn a lot from behavior, not words.Do parents trigger jealousy too?Parents' misbehavior and reactions to events can also make children feel jealous. Here are some of the erroneous attitudes and behaviors of parents:Do not choose one of your children as a pupil: Parents sometimes unconsciously identify themselves with their children. For them, that child's place is separate. Even though they think that they don't make it look around and other children, they feel it and start looking for crime in themselves. However, it is easier for the child to blame someone else. The first target in this situation is their brothers.Do not label the child: Unfortunately, parents scold, criticize, and complain about their children in a way that everyone can hear, and unintentionally encourage them to make that mistake. Children who feel embarrassed, humiliated, punish their parents by doing the same behavior, causing them to be ashamed and guilty. Moreover, labeling (words like naughty, lazy) becomes a legal way for children to justify their behavior. After every act, they justify themselves with excuses such as “I'm already naughty, lazy”.Do not compare: Parents want to direct their children to the right behavior by giving examples to each other, encouraging them. What they do not realize is that comparison (with siblings or friends) will reduce the sense of self in children. Comparing children leads to competition and increases. Competition brings ambition and jealousy.Do not take sides or be arbitrators: The child whose wrongdoing is approved by his parents will have feelings such as humiliation, incompetence, guilt, shame, inadequacy, not being valued and disliked, and will see his brother as responsible for those feelings that make him feel bad. A child who does not know how to cope with such emotions will also think that he is a çocuk bad boy için because he feels these emotions. The oppressed child under such negative emotions will be more inclined to do wrong.Does sister jealousy affect adult behavior?Research shows that having siblings creates the same degree of stress and that children who learn to cope with these emotions can more easily solve the problems they face in later life. Because having a brother teaches children to share, to confront ambitions and jealousy. Although they fight, the brothers come together in each other's difficult situations and become one body.As a parent, how is it possible to eliminate the negative aspects of brother jealousy and make it positive?* You need to create a family where you can come together and have a common time. You should also teach your children how to take responsibility for their behavior, to express themselves well, and to solve their problems. When a problem arises, the child does not know how to cope with his emotions and starts aggression and fighting. * Children have their own characteristics, interests and abilities. Realizing these and revealing these features will make them feel good and successful and at the same time think that they are loved. Although they don't do what another person does, they do have a good side that he does and is approved by his parents. This will increase the child's self-confidence and prevent him from feeling upset about what he sees in someone else. * There is no such thing as false or right feelings. Therefore, you should not put your child under pressure not to feel negative feelings towards his or her brother. On the contrary, you should talk to him that the reason for his behavior is what he feels, help him to distinguish what he feels, and show him the right ways.
* Make sure your child is confronted with his / her emotions: Never rebuke your child if he / she expresses his / her feelings and feelings for his / her brother such as “I wish he / she died, I hate this house. * * Emphasize positive behavior. In any case, care should be taken to the child without expecting attention from his parents. This not only improves the quality of the relationship, but also allows children to spend more time together.